I think the problem with EDNOS is that you’re constantly in the middle. It’s never bad enough be hospitalised for or to be diagnosed with, but it’s bad enough to take away being able to function. Then when you recover, you’re constantly waiting for it to bite back. It’s watching you but you can’t see it and in all shame… You just want it to come back to kill you.
I wish so often to relapse so I can just die. I remember reaching 40kgs and all I wanted was this to kill me so it wouldn’t look like suicide. But then you realise you would need to weigh around 20kgs in order to achieve that.